Miranda
by midnightfarie
Summary: After Serenity. Miranda was done, but memories can't be burried forever. Some questions were better left unasked, like what really happened on Miranda, and what was the real secret that fried River Tams' brain? They shouldn't have asked, but they did.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay! I love Firefly and Serenity, so I just had to do a story. I couldn't resist. I really hope you enjoy it!**

* * *

"Does this hurt?" Simon asked as he gently prodded the scarring tissue surrounding the deep gash that stretched down Zoe's back, near parallel with her spine.

"No, Doc, it doesn't hurt at all. I only nearly lost my spine." Zoe snarled sarcastically. Simon resisted rolling his eyes; Zoe was anything but a pleasant patient.

"Well, I think I'm going to need to take a few scans to see the extent of the…"

"No." Zoe said firmly.

"But…" Simon tried again.

"No." She said again. "I can't."

"It's for your own good…"

"It's not good for the baby." Zoe said plainly.

"What?" Simon asked.

"I'm pregnant, Doc." Zoe whispered. "And you ain't getting anywhere near me with one of those scanners so long as I am."

"You're pregnant?" Simon asked in bewilderment. "Are you sure?"

"I'm pretty sure I'd know." Zoe said rudely.

"How?" Simon asked.

"Well, you see Doc, when a man and woman love each other…"

"I don't mean how, I just mean, is it…"

"It's Wash's." Zoe confirmed. Simon nodded solemnly.

"Alright, then, I'll just do some test to make sure everything is okay and that the fetus is healthy." Simon said.

"Just do what you need to do, just don't get all technical with your terms." Zoe told him, lying back in bed. "And don't tell anyone."

"But…" Simon started.

"I'm not ready for that yet." Zoe whispered, Simon merely nodded.

After running several tests, Simon cleared his throat.

"The baby? Is it okay? Is it a boy or a girl" Zoe asked. Simon's face split into a wide smile.

"You're going to have a perfectly health… Baby girl."

Zoe bite her lip, tears filling her eyes, and, in an extremely un-Zoe like manner, she threw her arms around the astonished Doctor and held him close.

"Thank you. Thank you so much. Listen Simon, I'm glad you're here for me."

"Doctor-patient confidentiality. I wont tell a soul." Simon promised.

"I know." Zoe said, "Thank you for that."

"Come on, get to bed. You need your rest, you're sleeping for two now." Simon said jokingly.

"Stupid joke, Doc. I'm not even going to dignify it with a laugh." Zoe said, patting Simon on the shoulder. "I thought you were suppose to be a genius or something!"

Simon chuckled softly.

"Night Zoe."

"Night Doc."

Zoe slide off the table and left the infirmary, her smile showing the gratitude she felt.

* * *

River Tam tossed and turned in her sleep, hearing a voice in her dreams that was unfamiliar, but something in her remembered it. She saw memories, not her own, but she was the one who had to live with them. The voice whispered to her, haunted her, slowly broke her with the loss of innocence.

"Run, there is nothing left for you." The voice told her. "Their all dead or to far gone. You're all alone, it's so quiet it's deafening. You're trapped. You want to go home, but no one is there. A perfect world, drenched in blood, the perfect crime of innocents, the loss forgotten, set aside. It doesn't matter, nobody cried. They just lie down and fell asleep, they're all lost, they're all gone. They hurt you but it isn't them they are gone, but still here. You're all alone, nobody cares, but you still feel them, they're still there, haunting, hiding, hurting. They will never leave, the silence is suffocating, slowly killing everything still breathing. Help me… They're hurting us. It wasn't our fault, why are we the ones who have to remember? Let me forget. Let us forget. Make it go away."

A pair of brownish green eyes swam through Rivers sleeping mind, begging, pleading, crying. All alone, left for dead, nobody to care, nobody to save her, nothing to break the silence. Rivers eyes snapped open, a blood curdling scream issuing from her, a single word playing on her lips.

"Miranda."

Simon sat bolt upright and hurried to his sisters' side.

"River, what's wrong?" He asked, feeling her forehead.

"Miranda," She whispered. "It's suffocating. Miranda. All alone. All alone. Miranda, Miranda. Memories, not mine, sights I didn't see. Oh, Miranda, it's silent."

"I wish she'd be silent." Mal said grumpily as he stumbled into the room. "Can't you make her shut up?"

"I don't know what triggered this." Simon told the Captain. "She's been doing so good.

"Fear, white hot. Two by two, hands of blue. Leave us alone. We're always alone. They're hurting us. Oh, Miranda." River began to sob to hard, her words lost in the tears.

"Shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh." Simon murmured comfortingly. "Mei-mei. You're safe."

River looked at her brother through tear filled eyes. "They're hurting us. We're so alone, just kill us. Their hurting her, she's so alone, it's so quiet."

"It's okay, River." Simon assured her.

"It will never be okay. It will never be right. They are lost, and so is she. It's so cold. So quiet."

"Is she going to be getting any quiet herself soon, right?" Mal asked. River glared at him, in her 'how stupid are you?' way.

"Shhh!" She snapped. "Quiet. Everything's quiet. No sound, no thought, no life. Quiet."

"It's okay River. Everyone knows, what happened on Miranda will never happen again."

"You mean, what happened_ to_ Miranda." River whispered.

* * *

**AN: Okay, I really hope you enjoyed the first chapter, this is one of my all time favorite shows, so I figured I ought to do a tribute to it. Please Review!**

**Midnightfarie**


	2. Chapter 2

After Rivers outburst, Mal lay awake in his bed unable to shake off what she had whispered in her ravings. Mal had hardly slept at all since Serenity had landed on Miranda, he was not the squeamish sort, but everything that he had seen that day, those were the type of things that stay with you. The type of things that haunt you every waking moment, but it blazed more vivid than ever through his sleeping mind. After almost an hour of laying silent, waiting for rest he knew would not come, Mal rolled out of bed and climb the latter out of his sleeping chambers. Serenity was always so still in the late hours of the night, it was peaceful, but it was also incredibly lonely. It was a time when one could reflect and truly examine oneself, and that wasn't something Mal enjoyed doing, it always drug up memories that should not be remembered.

The hardest part of live was living with the memories that he could not escape. Mal had seen too much in his life to sit in quiet reflection, he had nothing he wanted to reflect on.

Mal crept quietly into the cockpit, careful not to disturb the sleeping crew below. Silently he slide into the pilot seat that had so often been occupied by Wash, but Wash would never be seated anywhere on Serenity ever again. Everything had changed since they exposed Miranda and Wash was killed, not only had everything changed, but everyone had changed as well. Zoe had slipped back into her old self, the woman she had been, before Wash. She never smiled, she never cried, and Mal was pretty sure she never let herself feel the loss. Jayne was quieter now a days, he was better about following orders, but on the rare occasions their eyes had met, Mal could see something in his eyes that had rarely been there before, fear. Kaylee and Simon seemed to find comfort in each other but there was sadness in Kaylee's smile that she just couldn't hide. And Inara, well Inara seemed to think that by staying on Serenity and pretending like everything was just fine, she could make it that way. But the truth was that everything wasn't fine, it couldn't be fine, and it never would be fine. River seemed to get that in her crazy genius way. She was the only one Mal could talk to now a day, that is, when she was sane enough to be understood.

Mal glanced at the navigation computer. They were ten minutes from Persephone, it was an in and out thing, a quick drop off with Badger. But knowing his track record with Badger, it was going to be anything but smooth.

* * *

Mal walked up Serenity's boarding ramp happily, for once everything had gone as planned. The little piss that was Badger just paid up for once, no hassle. Mal wished that they had jobs like that more often, easy, in and out. Mal took a deep breath and reached for the button to close to ramp.

"Malcolm Reynolds?" Asked a woman's voice from behind him. Mal spun around, squinting into the darkness.

"Who's askin'?" He asked gruffly. A woman in her late twenties stepped into the light cast by Serenity's open door.

"I am." She said quietly. Her hair was light brown and hung in loose curls past her shoulder. Her face was oddly angelic and surprisingly harsh at the same time. Her cheeks were sunken in giving her the look of someone who had missed one to many meals, but her eyes were what caught Mal's attention, they held so much emotion that Mal couldn't even begin to decipher what she was thinking.

"And who are you?" Mal asked. The woman gave and odd sort of smile. It was a while before she said anything, like she was trying to measure Mal up. Finally she crossed her arms and looked him straight in the eye.

"The name's Miranda." She said coolly. Mal's breath caught in his chest as the images of Miranda and the events that followed flashed in his mind. It took him a moment to regain his composure; finally he managed to slow his breathing.

"That's a lovely…" Mal started, but he was interrupted.

"Cut the crap, Captain Reynolds." Miranda snapped. "We both know the images of about thirty million dead bodies just went through your head."

The color drained from Mal's face. "How did you know that?" he asked.

"It's a very long story." Miranda said.

"I'm listening." Mal replied seriously.

"This is not the place, and now is most definitely not the time." Miranda whispered in a voice so low Mal could barely hear her.

"When then?" Mal asked.

"On you ship, it's safe there."

"Do you seriously think I'm going to let you on my ship?" Mal asked in disbelief. Miranda stared straight back at him.

"Yes, I do." She said quietly. "In fact, I'm quite sure you will."

"And why would that be?" Mal asked.

"The Alliance." Miranda said simply. "You don't like them, and they really don't like me. Didn't someone once say that your enemy's enemy is you friend?"

"Suppose so." Mal said hesitantly.

"The Alliance doesn't like loose ends, which, is exactly what I am, and you strike me as the sort of man who likes to annoy the Alliance. I'm not going to be able to keep out of their grasp for much longer, unless you take me with you. Then, they won't be getting what they want, which is me…dead."

For some reason the idea of this stranger dying made Mal say something he hadn't planned to say.

"Welcome aboard."

* * *

**AN: Please Review!**

**Midnightfarie**


	3. Chapter 3

Zoe, Jayne, Inara, and Kaylee sat around the dinner table, their plates full of a food like substance. Proteins and such, everything a body needed, just not something anyone with eyes would want to eat. Mal stepped through one of the doors, Miranda trailing behind him, looking slightly afraid.

"Who's the girl?" Jayne asked stabbing his fork into the goo on his plate as Mal sat Miranda down at the dinner table. "You didn't pick up another stray did you?"

"Her names Miranda." Mal replied. The silence was obvious and deafening.

"Captain?" Zoe whispered questioningly.

"She has a story to tell, if we don't like it, we'll toss her out on the next planet." Mal assured his second in command, and then turned to Miranda whispering to her: "Start spilling your guts, I'll let you know when we've heard enough."

"Miranda!" River cried out, upon entering the kitchen, shoving Simon against the door frame as she pushed her way in and hurried to the table. "Miranda."

Simon rubbed his arm as he ambled in behind River.

"Does anyone have any idea why River might had flipped, I was just doing some test and she started yelling 'Miranda' and came running this way." Simon said stiffly.

"That would be my fault." Miranda said quietly. River knelt beside her, staring into her hazel eyes, and cocking her head to the side. "Hello River."

"Miranda." River whispered, reaching out and gently fingering Miranda's face, from her hollow cheeks to her sharply angled chin.

"Yes River, I found you." Miranda whispered.

"Anyone care to explain?" the very confused doctor asked.

"I think I'm about as lost as you are." Mal replied, looking questioningly at Miranda. "Care to enlighten us?"

"I think it is time for a story." River whispered and Miranda nodded.

"Yes, I do believe it is, but I warn you, it's a very strange story, and you probably won't believe most of it." Miranda started.

"We'll keep an open mind." Mal promised.

"Well, I have to start at the beginning, even though you probably know this part already, I don't know any other way to explain everything in a way that any of you will understand." Miranda said.

"Fine," Mal said, "we're listening."

"Well, as you know, the government on Miranda added the chemical agent known as G-23 Paxilon Hydrochlorate, better known as "Pax", to the planet's air processors. The purpose of the Pax was to calm the population and weed out aggression, to make people better you might say. The problem was that the Pax worked too well: 99.9 of the population became so lethargic they lay down where they stood and allowed themselves to die, but that wasn't the worst part, about 30,000 people, had the opposite reaction to the Pax. Their response was aggression; the Pax increased their aggression, beyond madness. They became mindlessly violent, they killed all of those who remained alive on Miranda, they tortured them and they ate them. Then they left the planet, to find more victims.

"That is the part of the story that I'm sure you already knew, what you don't know was that the G-23 Paxilon Hydrochlorate was developed by a promising young Alliance scientist named Theodore Nellway. The Alliance was so pleased with his work that they rewarded him by giving him the "honor" of naming their newest planet, the place that he and his fiancé would call home, and the place where the Pax would first be introduced into the air processors. So, as an engagement gift, Theodore named the planet after his fiancé, Miranda."

"Oh God." Inara whispered. she had turned very white as she covered her mouth with her hand. Miranda bit her lip and took several deep breaths before continuing. River nuzzled her head into Miranda's side and squeezed her comfortingly.

"Of the entire planet, with a population of 30,000,000, only one soul survived the madness that consumed the planet. I was that soul. I was twenty five when the Pax took affect, and I could do nothing but stand by and watch as everything I had come to love destroyed itself. My friends and neighbors just let themselves die, but my fiancé, my Theodore wasn't so luck. He was one of the 0.1 percent who became a reaver."

Inara was whiter than ever, and Kaylee looked as though she was going to be sick.

"If this is too much for all of you, I can stop now. It only gets worse from here." Miranda whispered, but Mal shook his head.

"Keep going, we need to hear it all." Mal told her, she nodded and continued.

"I witnessed the full violence caused by the Pax, by the Alliance and their obsession with improving man kind. I myself was raped and tortured for days, but I wasn't killed, that would have been too merciful I guess. So I was left to live, haunted with the memories.

I found a working shuttle and I escaped from the planet before the Alliance sent anyone to find out what had happened. For the past four years I've been alone, running from the Alliance who some how discovered my existence and set about trying to capture me and control the damage I could cause if I let out the details of what happened on Miranda. They probably also want to use me as a lab rat to discover why I wasn't affected by the Pax, but I've managed to keep one step ahead of the Alliance for the four years.

"I thought running would be my life until you all broadcasted the report of what happened on Miranda. Then I set about to track you down."

"What does any of that have to do with River?" Simon asked.

"She was my saving grace, she is the only reason I survived Miranda at all, let alone with anything that remotely resembled sanity."

"I don't understand." Inara whispered.

"She called to me." River whispered, stroking Miranda's arm.

"I did, didn't I?" Miranda quietly replied, brushing a strand of Rivers hair behind her ear. "And you answered."

"They were hurting us." River whispered.

"They never stopped." Miranda replied, "And they never will."

"Can I say, huh?" Mal asked in confusion.

"River and I have a telepathic connection, but it did not reveal itself until we needed it most, as I was being raped and tortured, forced to watch the death and destruction of an entire planet. I guess my mind cried out for help because next thing I knew River was with me, her traumatized mind answering my pleas. She saved me."

"And you me." River whispered.

"That's what you meant." Simon said abruptly. "When you said 'they're hurting us,' you were talking about you and Miranda weren't you?"

"Yes." River said, gazing at Miranda's misery hardened face. "They hurt us, they hurt us both."

* * *

**AN: Please Review!**

**Midnightfarie **


	4. Chapter 4

Miranda sat on the cold table in the infirmary unit of the ship

Miranda sat on the cold table in the infirmary unit of the ship. River lay in a corner, watching her every move. Miranda however was preoccupied, starring at the captain and the doctor through the closed doors. They were talking, about her, actually. They were arguing but she couldn't tell what they were saying, and that made her nervous. River walked up to her and began to whisper in her ear, but not in her voice, in the voices of the doctor and the captain.

"In my professional opinion I don't think she'll ever recover. She's slowly breaking and the strain is too much. One day, and one day soon, she is going to snap, then, there will be no helping her." Simon admitted.

"I disagree." Mal said, growling through his teeth. "I think she's special. I think she'll make it. She's made it this long."

"I think you're wrong." Simon retorted. Mal's jaw tightened in anger. "I think she's a danger to everyone on this ship. She has to go, and soon."

"If she's a danger, what does that make your sister?"

"We already know what River is capable of and we're prepared, but Miranda, to put it in a way you will understand, is a ticking time bomb." Simon insisted.

"She stays." Mal said finality ringing in his voice.

"I think your feelings are clouding your judgment." Simon said curtly

"What?" Mal asked, "What feelings?"

"We all saw the way you were looking at her." Simon said smugly, knowing he had hit a nerve.

"Your mouth is moving," Mal told Simon. "Best see to that."

"Ask anyone, ask Inara, I'm sure she's noticed." Simon pushed; Mal slammed his fist into his jaw.

"I told you to see to that mouth of yours." Mal said with a shrug.

Miranda gasped as the doctor crumpled to the floor. Mal opened the infirmary door and grabbed Miranda, dragging her away.

"Why'd you hit him?" She asked, Mal shrugged.

"Employee employer conflict." Mal said. He dragged her down a passageway until he stopped in front of a room. "You'll stay here."

Then he left, Miranda watched him go, confused. He had punched his Doctor, because of her, to defend her, but he didn't even know her, she just didn't understand.

Simon groaned as he pushed himself up from the ground day.

"One day that man is going to regret his rash decisions." Simon whispered. River placed her head on his shoulder.

"It wasn't rash." River told him. "He understands. He knows."

"Knows what?" Simon asked.

"It's time." River said.

"Time for what?" Simon pressed.

"Two by two, hands of blue, they always know where to find you." River said deliriously. "Can't explain, can't be explained. There are no words, you either know or you don't. The bomb is ticking, tick, tick, tick, kaboom."

"What?" Simon said, confused. "What bomb? Is Miranda the bomb?"

"We're all going to die." River told him. "Can't be help, no use fighting it, but we do, it never ends, we never stop, why don't they understand. So much blood, the price is to high, we try to negotiate but it doesn't work. Our last hope is our worst fear." River began to slam her head against the wall, yelling, "Never stop, they never stop, stop, stop, STOP!"

Simon pulled her away from the wall, holding her tight to stop her. A trickle of blood oozed from her hairline.

"No, River." He said firmly. "Stop."

"They will never stop." River whispered. "Until the sacrifice is made."


	5. Chapter 5

Miranda woke up with a start as the ship jerked

Miranda woke up with a start as the ship jerked. Quickly she slide off the bed, her bare feet silent on the cold metal of the floor. It was cold, and all she wore was a thin white dress of Rivers, so she grabbed a blanket from her bed and wrapped it around her shoulders. Quietly, she slipped out of her room and walked past the infirmary and up the stairs, through the dinning room, out the door she had entered by the night before, and down the stairs into the cargo hold. A lot of commotion was going on, the big man named Jayne was throwing boxes and guns into a yellow hovercraft. The woman named Zoe was looking over a gun, and Mal was having a loud argument with a very surly looking Simon. River was already seated in the hovercraft, and the mechanic, Kaylee, was laughing about something with her.

Miranda approached the group quietly. Zoe looked up and greeted her with a jerk of her head. Simon and Mal, noticing Miranda's presence, became instantly silent, and Kaylee's face became suddenly serious. Jayne was the only one whose behavior did not change.

"I'm sorry." Miranda said. "I just heard a noise and came to see what was going on. Am I not supposed to be here?"

"Morning." Mal said, when no one else made a sound. "It's fine, you didn't do nothing wrong."

"Besides being here." Simon said under his breath, but loud enough that everyone heard.

"Simon." Kaylee scolded, and shooting him a glare, smile cheerfully at Miranda. "Ignore him, he may be a genius, but he's a bit of a block head. He ain't got any right to be saying nothing."

"Don't." Miranda whispered to Kaylee. "I know none of you want me here…"

"Miranda…" Mal interrupted.

"No," Miranda insisted. "I'm the one who doesn't have the right. My presence here is dangerous to your whole crew, Mal. I don't have the right to put their lives in danger, so if they don't want me here, I should leave."

"No." Mal said adamantly. "This is my ship, and you are my guest, if anyone here as a problem with that, then this here little moon is where you're getting off. Any takers?" Everyone fell silent. "That's what I thought."

Miranda turn with out a word and hurried back the way she had come.

"Captain." Zoe said quietly.

"I'm not interested in your opinion Zoe." Mal snapped.

"Yes Sir."

"You're a fool." Simon said plainly.

"Then what does that make you?" Mal asked. "You're the one following my orders."

Simon glared, but said no more. Jayne hopped into the Mule.

"Well I like her." Jayne inputted. "Might not be all there, but that don't matter much to me."

"Nice, Jayne." Zoe said in disgust.

"That's enough, Jayne." Mal growled as he pulled himself onto the mule.

Zoe walked around and jumped into the sit beside Mal, he looked over at her.

"You ready for this?" Mal asked, Zoe cocked her gun and nodded. "'Cause, you know, you haven't been out since Wash, you know… I'd understand if you needed a little more…"

"I'm fine, sir." Zoe said firmly. Mal nodded and dropped the subject. River leaned forward, between them, and looked at Zoe. Zoe met her stare and gave her a bewildered look.

"You two need to be careful." River whispered, by way of an explanation. Zoe's lips tightened, and she glared furiously. Mal looked between the two of them in confusion.

"I'll keep that in mind." Zoe growled quietly.

"Zoe?" Mal said in a questioning tone.

"Sir?" Zoe replied.

"Is there something you feel like sharing?" Mal asked.

"No, sir."

**Please Review!**

**Midnightfarie**


	6. Chapter 6

**Here's the next chapter! Sorry it took so long! I just started college and I haven't had time. Sorry :(**

Mal lay on his bed. His eyes closed, but his mind far from sleep. His mind drifted to Miranda. Her eyes… her lips… her ivory skin…

A knock on his door jolted him from his reveries. Hurriedly he sat up.

"Come in." He said loudly. Inara slid silently into the room, smiling sweetly at him. Instantly guilt filled Mal for his roaming thoughts.

"Hey." He murmured affectionately as she came to sit beside him on his bed.

"Hi." She replied, blushing slightly. "How'd the job go?"

"Good, good. It'll work out just dandy so long as Badger keeps up his end of the deal."

Inara nodded, but her pursed lips and distant expression told Mal her thoughts were elsewhere.

"What's the matter?" Mall asked. Inara took a deep breath before replying.

"I know you don't want to hear this Mal, but I need you to hear me out…"

"Inar--"

"Listen Mal!" Inara insisted. "I have a really bad feeling about Miranda. She's dangerous and the consequences for letting her stay are going to be disastrous. I know you like to step on the Alliances' toes, but I kind of think she may be a loose end that needs tying up."

"You done now?" Mal asked angrily. Inara nodded. "Good. I appreciate you sharing your opinion with me, but I've made up my mind Inara. Miranda stays."

Inara got to her feet angrily.

"I didn't want it to come to this, but you're going to have to choose Mal. It's Miranda or me."

"Don't do this, Inara." Mal growled.

"Choose!" Inara insisted.

"Miranda." Mal said quietly.

"What?" Inara asked in disbelief.

"You heard me." Mal replied. "Miranda."

Inara slapped him across the face, and then covered her mouth with her hand as if to hold back a sob.

"You're making a mistake Mal." She whispered. "You're just too stubborn to admit you're wrong."

"Me, stubborn? Look who's talking! When's the last time you let someone else get the last word?" Mal chided. Angrily, Inara spun on her heel and stormed off.

* * *

"I can't believe him!" Inara fumed, pacing up and down her shuttle. Kaylee lay on the elegantly decorated bed. Inara's wrath continued. "I mean, we're trying to build a relationship, and he won't even listen to me."

"Maybe…" Kaylee started. Inara ignored her.

"He should be working on building a bond with me, not some hussy on the edge of a psychotic breakdown."

"Maybe…" Kaylee tried again, but was silenced by Inara's icy glare.

"I mean, she's not even pretty." Inara continued to vent. "Do you think she's pretty?"

"Well…" Silence by another glare.

"Why would he choose her?" Inara asked a look of dejection on her face.

"I don't know." Kaylee whispered. "Maybe they have a connection."

"What?" Inara half snapped half questioned.

"Well, you know… Sometimes you meet someone and you just know…"

"Know what?" Inara asked, her eyes pleading for conciliation.

"That you're meant to be with them." Kaylee whispered. Inara sat beside Kaylee and laid her head on Kaylee's shoulder, her cheeks wet with tears.

"But he's supposed to be with me." Inara whispered, almost pleadingly. Kaylee wrapped her arms around her friend, stroking her long black hair.

"Sometimes fate has a mind of its own." Kaylee murmured into Inara's hair.

* * *

**midnightfarie**


	7. Chapter 7

**Here's another chapter! Thank you so much for reading! Thank you also for the reviews, you inputs are great! I've tried to incorporate your advice into the story so please let me know how I'm doing!**

Mal was walking to the cockpit when the static of the intercom broke through the silence.

"Mal!" Jayne's voice growled through. "You'd better get your gorram ass to the kitchen. Its nuts down here!"

Mall spun around and took off running down the passage. He heard the breaking of dishes and screaming before he had even reached the kitchen. He stepped through the door and ducked, a can of vegetables crashing into the wall behind where his head had been.

"What the…?" Mal growled. Taking cover behind the over turned table. Mal observed the surrounding havoc. Kaylee was cowering behind a chair. Simon, using a pot as a shield was trying to get near enough to River (Who was the source of the commotion.) to calm her down.

"River!" Simon was yelling as his sister.

"So many eyes!" She wailed, falling to the floor curling into a ball and weeping, "All dead! So much blood… So much… ripping… shredding… no one fighting against them… they killed them, good people… they were good people… all of them…"

The rest was lost to her incoherent sobs. Simon took the opportunity to try and calm her down.

"Shhh, shhh." He murmured as he gathered her up into his arms, rocking her back and forth. "It's alright, you're safe, and nobody is going to hurt you."

Simon pulled River to her feet and they slowly walked out together. Kaylee picked herself up once they were gone and began to clean up the mess.

"I'm sorry Cap'n" Kaylee muttered. "No worries, I'll have it cleaned up in a jiffy."

Mall nodded and got to his feet.

"Well now that that's done…" Mal began.

"Cap'n," Jayne interrupted. "She weren't why I called you. We was all having a civilized conversation the girl and she flipped out. She ran off that way," Jayne indicated the door across the room, "And then River went nuts. Not that that's new."

"River was reacting to Miranda?" Mal asked.

"Guess so." Jayne said, shrugging. Wordless Mal left in the direction Jayne had indicated.

* * *

"Miranda?" Mal called as he searched the cargo bay. Listening carefully he heard quiet sobbing. He followed the sound to several large crates and tentatively walked around them. Seeing Miranda sitting, arms wrapped around her legs and shaking violently, Mal hesitated.

"Miranda?" Mal whispered again, slowly edging closer to her trembling form. "Miranda? Can you hear me? It's me, Mal."

"Gingerly Mal reached out and touched her shoulder, her head snapped up causing Mal to jump back in alarm.

"Mal?" Miranda asked, her voice cracking, tears trailing down her cheeks. Mal approached her again.

"Hey Kiddo." He said, lowering himself to the ground beside her. Miranda turned to him and buried her head into his chest. "What happened?"

Feeling her body shaking, Mal wound his arms tightly around her. Miranda was silent for a long while, but at last she spoke.

"I remembered things." She whispered, her body shaking harder than ever. Mal tightened his arms around her. "Things best forgotten."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Mal asked, loosening his arms slightly, but Miranda shook her head and held him tighter than ever. "Do you want me to take you to your room?" Mal tried again, she shook her head once more. "What do you want?"

"Just hold me." She whispered.

After a long while, Mal had lost track of time, Miranda was finally composed enough to release her death grip on Mal. Mal was disturbed by the dead look that haunted her eyes when they looked into his. He had been about to ask if she was alright, but for the first time he saw that she wasn't she was broken. She had wounds that would never heal. She was haunted by nightmares, but she couldn't tell herself that they were just dreams because they were real, and she knew it. She had to live with memories that no one should be burdened with. She looked tired, tired of running, tired of fighting, she looked ready to give up. Wordlessly Mal pressed his lips to her forehead. He scooped her slight frame up into his arms and carried her to her room. He laid her on her bed and left the room, closing the door quietly and he leaned against the wall rubbing his face with his hands. Indecision filled him. He was on the brink of something, but he couldn't step off because he had no idea where it would take him. Glancing at Miranda's door, Mal pushed himself to his feet. He had to choose, and for once he had to be smart. With that thought he walked away from the door.

* * *

"Can I come in?" Mal asked quietly. Inara sat up startled.

"Since when do you ask?" She retorted sharply.

"I need to talk to you." Mal told her. She sniffed and looked away from him sulkily.

"I think you've said enough." She said coolly.

"No, I didn't." Mal replied. "I don't think I was very clear as to why I chose Miranda when you told me to choose between the two of you."

"I don't really care to know the inner workings of you mind."

"Well, I'm gonna tell you any ways." Mal responded. "Because you need to hear it. It's not because I don't care about you, you know I do. And I don't think she's prettier then you. It's just… When I met her, for the first time in a long time… everything made sense. I suddenly knew exactly what I was supposed to do. I was supposed to take care of her. It's what I'm supposed to do, but I want you by my side while I do it."

Inara's eyes began to water and then her face broke into a smile. She threw her arms around Mal and rested her head on his should. Mal wrapped his arms around her as well, but he couldn't silence the turmoil in his head.

**Please Review!**

**midnightfarie**


	8. Chapter 8

Zoe's fingers trembled as she placed the tablet on the table. She pressed the start button and it began to record. She looked at her feet for a moment, and then looked into the tablet. Slowly, tears began to roll quietly down her cheeks. She tried to swallow away the lump in her throat so she could speak. She had to do this… for her daughter… for Wash…

"Hello Hope." She whispered the name she had chosen for her unborn child. "I'm doing this for you, because as much as it hurts to talk about him. You deserve to know your father, and since that can't happen, you at least should be able to know about him. So I'm going to share with you the most precious thing I can give to you, my memories, of your father, of our life together. I'm making these records for you because I know that I do not have the strength to tell you in person when you are old enough to understand.

"Right now, you're inside of me, and I can keep you safe. I can protect you, but I won't always be able to… your father will never have a chance to. But he would have loved you… I know he would have loved you."

Zoe rubbed the tears from her face roughly, clearing her voice loudly.

"To tell you about your father, I will have to start at the beginning. His name was Hoban Washburne, but everybody called him Wash. He was a good man, and a good husband, and he could always make me laugh… I miss him more then I can say.

"We met through the Captain. Mal had just bought Serenity and had asked me to stay on as his second in command, since he trusted me most after we had been in the war together. We started looking for a pilot, and when we met with Wash about the job the very first thing I noticed about him was that he had this completely ridiculous looking mustache, and I'm completely serious. Bake then I was a very stern person, and I hardly ever smiled, let alone laughed. So, when Wash came into my life, ridiculous mustache and all, with his entire easy going, completely silly outlook on life, I could not stand him. I practically begged the Captain not to hire him; luckily for me Mal did not listen.

"It took a while, but eventually I got used to him and even started to enjoy his company. Then one night, in a bar on a small moon, after one too many shots of whiskey, I kissed your father for the first time. It was then that I realized I didn't want to kiss anyone else; ever again, it didn't hurt matters that he had finally shaved off that mustache.

"It was that night, also, that I asked him to marry me. I'm not sure which of us was more drunk at the time, because he said yes. Then we went to the Captain to have him marry us. He tried to talk me out of it, but I'm a very stubborn drunk. So, Mal married us right then and their.

I never regretted that drunken decision for as second, well maybe a second. I was blessed to have five years with my wonderful husband, and then I was blessed again, that even though he is gone now, I still have part of him with me. Hope, I know he would have loved you, just as much as I love you. I just wish you had had the chance to know him like I did. Well, that's it for now, I guess. I have many more stories to tell you, but for now this is it."

Zoe reached out and stopped the recording. She looked down at her belly which was not yet showing and caressed it gently.

* * *

Inara gazed contentedly at the sleeping figure that lay beside her in her bed. Mal's brown hair hung over his closed eyes. He looked peaceful in sleep, the worries of live releasing their grip on his face. Inara gently stroked his cheek, he jerked in surprise, his blue eyes snapping open. Inara smiled at him, he smiled back, a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. Inara saw this but tried not to think much about it. Mal gave her a quick kiss, then got out of bed and hurriedly dressed.

"Where are you going?" Inara whispered, Mal smiled at her nonchalantly.

"I've got Captainy things to do." He replied.

* * *

Miranda sat atop a large box in the cargo bay. River lay with her head resting on the woman's lap. Gently Miranda stroked the girls hair, River was happy in a way she thought she'd lost the ability to be. Miranda began to softly sing to the girl.

"Close your eyes darling, get some rest. Lay your worries by the wayside, and rest your head my dear. I'll watch over you, through night's shadows. Have no fears dear, I am here."

Miranda kissed her fingers and placed them on Rivers cheek. River smiled and closed her eyes.

* * *

Simon watched the scene before him in awe, such tenderness, such love so obvious in the actions of both the woman and his sister. As much as he hated to admit it, he couldn't see how something could seem so entirely good and still be a danger to all of their lives. He had not seen River like this in years… since they were children. She had been such a spirited child, an angel. The Alliance had stolen that from her. This woman, Miranda, seemed to be able to return River to the girl she had been… For that Simon couldn't help but be a little grateful. Maybe she wasn't so dangerous after all.

Mal walked up beside him, and they watched Miranda and River in silence. Simon glanced at Mal and was surprised by the look of serenity that had overcome the hard man's face. Simon had to admit it. Miranda really could sooth the savage beast.

* * *

**Please Review!**

**Midnightfarie**


	9. Chapter 9

Over the next week, Mal continuously found reasons to seek out Miranda. A blind panic had begun to grip at his heart since Miranda had boarded the ship. A panic caused by her mere presence, a panic that only subsided when his eyes came to rest on her angel-like face.

Mal knew it was wrong to seek her out; he had made his choice, he chose Inara… He just couldn't stay away from the fallen angel whom seemed to rain destruction on all around her. His mind was in confusion as he sat on the stairs of the cargo bay. Despite the increased danger, Miranda's presence on the ship had a soothing effect. River's outbursts have decreased greatly, although she still couldn't be considered exactly lucid most of the time.

"Good evening, Captain Reynolds." A soft voice said. Mal jumped, he hadn't heard anyone approach. He looked up and saw Miranda gliding the rest of the way down the stairs. When her feet touched the cargo bay floor, she turned and looks back and Mal. She smiled slightly, Mal's lips responded without his choosing for them to do so. Her skin was almost translucent in the dim lighting, her cheeks were still hollow, but a week of regular meals had done her good. Her green eyes held wisdom beyond their years. Where Inara was the classical, elegant beauty, Miranda was unique, wild and dangerous but also incredibly breakable. Looking at her, it was hard for Mal to imagine so fragile a creature surviving the horrors she had already seen in her young life. Mal wanted nothing more than to protect her from any more hardship.

Inara had once said that he was lost in the woods, at the time he had replied that the woods were the only place he saw a clear path. That was no longer true. The path was blurred; the fight against the Alliance had taken away even his shrouded path. He was truly lost, they all were, his entire crew. None of them knew where they were headed. Until Miranda came along and once again Mal's path was clear. He would take care of Miranda, whatever it took. The only problem was that this new path that included Miranda didn't align to well with the remnants of his former life, especially Inara.

"Whatcha doing here?" Mal asked. Miranda leaned against the railing and looked up at the ceiling.

"I don't know," Miranda whispered as she sunk to the bottom step. "Everywhere else on this ship feels like a home, but not here. It's cold and empty, like me. I guess I feel like I belong here more than anywhere else on this ship."

Miranda looked away, fiddling with the frayed edge of her sleeve. Mal starred at her, not knowing what to say. Before he could come up with something, Miranda was smiling again.

"So what brings you here, Captain?" She asked cheerily. Mal just starred at her.

"I – I thought I'd be alone." Mal admitted.

"I'm sorry." Miranda replied, getting to her feet. "I didn't mean to intrude; I'll just get out of your way."

Mal reached out and grabbed her wrist as she walked by him on the stairs.

"Wait, you don't have to go." Mal told her.

"Oh, it's okay--" Miranda started.

"I don't want you to go." He admitted.

Miranda sunk to the floor beside him. Neither of them knew what to say, but Mal didn't let go of her hand.

* * *

Kaylee had a dilemma; she sat on her bunk trying to think of a solution to her problem. She should have seen this coming! What did she expect? Simon was a respectable man, he had been raised by upright parents who were pillars in the community. Of course if he was going to want to get married. She should have seen this coming, but somehow she hadn't.

She liked Simon, maybe even loved him, but marriage? She was young, she didn't even know if she was a marriage type of girl. Now suddenly she had this big decision to make. She didn't want to get married, but was she willing to give up Simon because of it?

* * *

Zoe sat in the kitchen with her feet propped up on the table. Her hands resting on her belly, she was just starting to see a bump. Soon she would have to tell everyone about her pregnancy. Soon, but not just yet. Maybe she'd do it one at a time; it seemed like a difficult group announcement. Who would she tell first though?

Inara ambled into the kitchen and began to gather pots and cans. Apparently she was making dinner for everyone.

"Zoe." Inara said in greeting. Zoe did a one handed salute.

Zoe watched Inara, she was a sweet woman, they had never been particularly close, but Zoe liked her well enough. Zoe slide her feet of the table and they hit the floor with a thud, making Inara start. Zoe turned to face Inara.

"Can I tell you something?" Zoe asked. Inara looked at her and sat down the can she had been working on opening. She walked over to the table and sat by Zoe.

"Of course."

Zoe dug at the table with her fingernail.

"Is everything alright?" Inara asked, looking concerned. Speaking her mind usually came easily to Zoe. Zoe cleared her throat.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Zoe said getting to her feet and walking towards the door. She placed her hand on the frame and taking a deep breath turned back around. "I'm pregnant."

* * *

Simon knocked on Kaylee's door, there was no answer.

"Kaylee! Come on! I know you're in there. Please open up, we need to talk."

That was, in fact, a lie. He had no idea if she was in there, but it sounded good. It didn't get an answer though. He leaned his forehead against the wall and sunk to the ground. He screwed up again, and he didn't even know how this time. Girls are supposed to be happy when you propose to them, they're not supposed to stare at you dumbfounded and then run away. He had thought Kaylee was on the same page. They had finally managed to get through all the miscommunication and to each other, but know here they were again. Back in the confusion, how had they gotten back here?

* * *

Kaylee sat in a dark corner of the engine room. Tears rolled silently down her cheeks, she had thought that work would help take her mind of things, but she couldn't concentrate. What was wrong with her? Simon was perfect… Just… Maybe not perfect for her. What was she thinks, of course he was perfect for her. She had been in love with him since the day they met. You didn't just stop loving someone. Did you?

The sound of heavy footsteps jolted her from her reveries.

"Kaylee?" Jayne's gruff voice called. Kaylee hurriedly wiped the tears from her face with her sleeve and hopped up, trying to look like her usual chipper self.

"Yeah?" She replied.

"The Mule ain't workin'. We're gonna need it for our next run, so can you come take a look?"

"Sure thing!" Kaylee said, hurriedly grabbing a tool box and in her rush she didn't see that it wasn't latched shut. Tools flew across the room, skittering across the ground loudly. She couldn't stop the tears that returned with a vengeance. She sank to the floor, defeated. Jayne watched her in dismay. He wasn't good with crying girls, he was much better at making them cry than getting them to stop.

"Uh, you don't gotta do it right now if it's a bad time." He offered. Kaylee looked up at him, her darling little face so lost and confused. Not knowing what he was doing, he walked to her and knelt beside her, wrapping her in his big strong arms. She felt so small. She buried her face in his shoulder and sniffed pathetically.

"Y'alright?" Jayne asked, loosening his grip, his throat tightened painfully, crying or not she was still the most beautiful girl he had ever seen.

Kaylee shook her head, gripping him tightly so he couldn't get away, not that she could have stopped him if he had wanted to get away.

"What's wrong?" He asked as she continued to cry. Instinctively he brushed her hair out of her face, tucking it behind her ear.

"Simon--" She began. Jayne jumped to his feet, enraged.

"What did he do?" He demanded. "Did he hurt you? If he did I'll break his gorram neck. Just say the word."

"No!" Kaylee replied flustered. "No, he didn't do anything, I'm the problem."

She broke into a fresh flood of tears and Jayne found himself back on the ground beside her.

"He proposed." She whispered. Cold gripped Jayne's heart, he had seen this coming, but it didn't lessen the blow.

"And?" He pressed?

"And… I ran away."

Jayne could have jumped with joy, but he kept quiet.

"Why?" He asked quietly.

"I don't know." She admitted. That was enough for Jayne, he wasn't going to lose his chance again. He grabbed Kaylee's chin and tilted it up, catching her lips with his. He was a good kisser, he knew that for a fact, so Kaylee's reaction surprised him. She gasped, shocked, and pushed him away, hard.

"I--" Jayne started, not knowing was to say about his actions. Then without warning, Kaylee threw her arms around his neck and kissed him back. Jayne pulled her close, knowing better than to ask questions. His hands roamed her body until he found her belt buckle. He started to undo the buckle.

* * *

**So, things are starting to speed up.**

**Hope you like!**

**Please Review!**

**Midnightfarie**


	10. Chapter 10

"Wait." Kaylee whispered. She looked into Jayne's eyes. "What are we doing?"

"I think we're gonna get sexed." Jayne replied, his hands still holding onto her belt.

"Jayne… we can't." Kaylee said pulling away. Jayne didn't let her go.

"Why the hell not?" He asked.

"Simon…" Kaylee started.

"Do you love him?" Jayne asked.

"I…" She didn't know what to say. She had thought she did, but now she didn't know. Jayne started kissing her again. "Stop."

"You didn't say yes." Jayne told her.

"I didn't say no either." Kaylee pointed out.

"I like my way of looking at things better." Jayne insisted.

"I'm not going to cheat on Simon."

"Then break up with him."

* * *

"Pregnant?" Inara asked in disbelief. "Was it…"

"Of course it's Wash's!" Zoe snapped.

"Actually, I was going to ask if it was a planned pregnancy." Inara shot back a little testily. She didn't like people putting words in her mouth. She was known for having a little tact, and asking the paternity of a widow's baby wasn't exactly tactful. Zoe blushed, embarrassed by her own outburst.

"I'm sorry. I… its just hard. This isn't how I thought it would be when Wash and I finally had a baby."

"So you were trying to have one?"

"Yes, I had finally convinced Wash that our lives would always be dangerous and that now was as good a time as any to have a baby… Then he died."

Inara crossed the room to Zoe's side and wrapped her in a protective hug. Zoe was startled, but she didn't pull away, it was nice to have someone to confide in.

"I know we haven't been extremely close in the past, but please know if there is anything you need, I'm here." Inara whispered.

Zoe gave her a squeeze back.

"Thank you."

* * *

Simon returned to his quarters, Kaylee would find him when she was ready to talk… at least he hoped she would. He lay back on his bed and stared at the ceiling. He would never understand women, especially that one. He had thought he knew her, knew how to make her happy. He must have been wrong. Maybe he didn't know her at all; maybe what he knew was only what he had wished she was. So if he didn't really know her, did he really love her?

"So many threads, tangled into knots! Where does one end and the others begin?" River asked, Simon sat up, startled. Rivers head poked through the slightly open door.

"River, come in." Simon offered. His sister slid in gracefully and perched herself on the edge of Simons bed.

"It's so loud today." River commented.

"Are you okay?" Simon asked. "Do you need something?"

River shook her head.

"It's not what I need, it's what you need." She replied.

"What are you talking about?" Simon asked.

"You need to let her go, Simon. She's not yours to keep. She's a butterfly, you can't cage her. If you love her you have to do what's best for her. You have to set her free. She is supposed to be free, free to fly in and out of the lives of others. Those who need her as a guiding light, if you don't let her go, that light will be extinguished. You can't hold on to a butterfly, if you love her to hard you'll crush her. You have to let her fly away."

"I don't understand." Simon said, confused.

"Yes you do, you just don't want to." River replied, she put her hands in his and placed an origami butterfly in his palm. With that she left, and Simon stared after her.

* * *

"What is this?" Miranda asked, her delicate hand still cradled within Mal's large, rough hand.

"I don't know." Mal whispered. "I just know that every time I watch you walk away, it kills me a little bit."

Miranda breathed heavily, his words were exactly what her heart felt. She rested her head on his shoulder.

"Then I won't walk away." She said decidedly. Mal smiled and used his free hand to stroke the gentle curls of her long hair.

"A Shepherd once told me…" Mal began; Miranda looked up at him confused.

"You're religious?" Miranda asked in disbelief.

"He was an old friend." Mal said with a sad smile. "And he told me something…"

"Shepherds do have a tendency to do that." Miranda joked.

"You gonna let me get this out?" Mal asked. Miranda smiled, but said nothing. "Alright. He told me something, and it was important enough to him that he chose for them to be his dying words."

"Oh," Miranda whispered. "Didn't realize this was a serious talk."

"Yup," Mal said, smiling. "Serious. So let me talk."

"Okay."

"Okay?" Mal asked, Miranda nodded, "He told me he didn't care what I believed in, he just wanted me to believe in something."

"Why are you telling me this?" Miranda asked.

"Cause I found something, and I believe in it." Mal looked at Miranda in an odd way. "I need you to know what I believe in. cause if I don't say this now, I'm gonna regret it. I believe that you're strong enough. I believe that we can beat the Alliance and anything else that comes our way. I believe that anyone who says differently is dead wrong. But most of all, and most surprisingly, I believe that I'm in love with you. Against my better judgment, I might add. Although, I've never had much judgment in the first place, let alone good judgment. What I really mean to say is, Miranda, I'm in love with you."

Miranda rested her head back on his shoulder and squeezed his hand.

"What a pair we make," She whispered. "The scorpion and the swan… Don't you realize, we'll be the death of each other?"

"You think I'm a scorpion?" Mal asked, ignoring her question.

"No, you're the swan, trying to aid a danger creature." Miranda replied. They sat in silence for a long moment.

"I'll take that risk." Mal whispered.

* * *

Jayne?!? Had she really just had a make out session with Jayne in the engine room? It couldn't have happened Kaylee told herself as she adjusted the insides of the mule. Firstly, because Jayne would never kiss her, she was like a little sister to him. And secondly, she would never kiss him… but she had. Why? Well he was good looking in a ruggedly handsome sort of way. And he was tall. Kaylee had a weakness for the tall ones. But he was Jayne! Part of her insisted that it was a onetime thing and it would never happen again… but the other part of her whispered naughtily in the back of her head, all the places it could happen again.

God! What was wrong with her? She had a boyfriend, a potential husband. She had a wonderful man who loved her. Jayne would never love her. The most she could hope for with Jayne would be lust… but on the other hand, why was that such a bad thing? Kaylee liked lust, in fact she loved lust… but did she love it more than love?

Jayne did bench presses when he was frustrated, and right now, he was doing a lot of them.

"Jayne!" Simon's voice called from outside Jayne's door. Jayne started and hurriedly sat down the bar and got up.

"Yeah?" He called gruffly through the door.

"Have you see Kaylee?" Simon asked. Jayne's heart began to pound. Play it cool, he told himself.

"Why do you ask? How should I know where she is? What are you implying?" Smooth Jayne, very smooth. He could have hit himself.

"Nothing, I just thought you might have seen her." Simon replied, confused.

"Well, I haven't." Jayne snapped.

He walked back to the bench, he would be doing a lot of bench presses today… that was for sure.

* * *

Simon was going crazy, first Kaylee's freak out… then River's. The thing that really worried him was that everything River had said to him had made perfect sense. Something was definitely wrong when the crazy girl started to make sense.

He just needed to find Kaylee. He needed to talk to her. These thoughts filled his head as he wandered into the cargo bay.

He stopped in his tracks when he saw them.

It was such a beautiful, peaceful sight. Mal and Miranda sat in silence. Miranda's head rested on Mal's shoulder and their hands were clasped. Such a simple unintentional show of love. It was a perfect moment, but not rightfully theirs. It should have been Inara in Mal's arms, not this girl he barely knew.

Rage filled Simon and he charged down the stairs, grabbing Mal by the collar of his shirt. Simon slammed his fist into the Captains face.

"You son of a---"

"Simon!" Kaylee screamed before he could throw another punch. She came running from some mechanical corner of the ship. She hurried up the stairs and pried the two men apart.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" She demanded.

"Mal…Miranda…Inara…" Simon mumbled incoherently. Mal just stared at him like he was insane and held his bleeding nose. "What about Inara, Mal?"

"What about Inara?" Kaylee asked. "What did Mal and Miranda do? Were they kissing?"

"No." Simon replied.

"Then what were they doing?" Kaylee asked.

"They… they were holding hands." It sounded idiotic eve as he said it. Kaylee just stared at him.

"You punched the captain for holding her hand?" She said in disbelief.

Simon didn't know what to say.

"Kaylee, kindly get the doc out of here before I do something that I _won't_ regret later." Mal growled, glaring at Simon.

"I have half a mind to let you at him." Kaylee replied before grabbing the collar of Simon's shirt and dragging him away.

* * *

**Please Review!**

**Midnightfarie**

"That was interesting." Miranda commented as the two of them disappeared. Mal gingerly tapped his nose.

"Yeah, real interesting."


	11. Chapter 11

"What is wrong with you Simon?" Kaylee asked as she closed the infirmary doors behind the two of them. Simon sat in the patient chair; Kaylee remembered the time when their roles were reversed. It was the first day she'd ever met him, and he saved her life. She'd known she wanted him even then, but she never imagined that he would be her's. Now he was… he was her's and she could have him forever, but suddenly it wasn't what she wanted anymore. When had things changed? Had they really? Or did she only ever want what she couldn't have. How could she end things with him? What would she say? 'I'm sorry, you're too perfect.' No.

Simon shook his head, and stared at the floor.

"I don't know why I did it… It's just… I saw them together and something snapped."Simon whispered. "I don't know what's wrong with me…"

Kaylee sat down on his lap and took his hand in her own.

"Were you lashing out because of my freak out earlier?" Kaylee asked quietly. Simon leaned his head against her shoulder.

"No… it didn't." Simon replied. "I actually wasn't even thinking about that."

A knot suddenly tightened in Kaylee's stomach. Suddenly she understood. There was a reason why she couldn't say yes, and the reason wasn't completely her fear of commitment. She released her grip of his hand.

"You don't love me." Kaylee whispered.

"What?" Simon asked in confusion. "I just proposed to you two hours ago!"

"I know, but you don't love me. You proposed because you thought you were supposed to, not because you wanted to… you care about me, but you don't love me."

Simon was speechless; Kaylee stood up and pressed her lips to his forehead.

"And I'm not in love with you either." She admitted.

Simon stood up and wrapped his arms around the girl he had thought would be his wife.

"We just broke up, didn't we?" He half asked, half stated. Kaylee nodded, trying to hold back the tears and failing miserably.

"I hope you find happiness, but it's just not supposed to be with me." Kaylee whispered through her tears to the man she'd thought was Mr. Right.

* * *

Inara sat in her shuttle, she didn't cry. She had wasted too many tears on Malcolm Reynolds, and she was tired of the pain being with him caused. She was a quiet person, and at times it had its advantages, companions had a tendency on knowing things they aren't supposed to, Inara knew many thing that others didn't. She had heard the commotion in the cargo bay and she had heard the conversation that preceded it between Mal and Miranda. She couldn't pretend anymore, Mal wasn't hers and if she was being perfectly honest with herself, he probably never had been. She kept her arms wrapped tightly around her body to hold herself together. She'd done this to herself; she knew that giving your heart to someone else was a sure way to find heartache.

* * *

**Please Review!**

**Midnightfarie**


	12. Chapter 12

A light knock came from Mal's bedroom door.

"Come in!" He hollered. Kaylee stepped in and gave him a saddened smile.

"Evenin' Cap'n." She said. "I was wondering if I could be speakin' with you for a minute."

"'Course." Mal said, beckoning for her to take a seat beside him on his bed. She quickly sat and began knotting her hands in her lap. "What's troubling you?"

"We're touching down in Persephone at weeks end, right?" Kaylee asked.

"Yeah." Mal confirmed.

"Well, I just wanted to give you fair warning, when we reach Persephone I plan to take my leave of Serenity. I thought I ought to give you some time to make arrangements for a new mechanic."

"What?" Mal asked in confusion. "I think I might be hearing things, 'cause I thought I heard some rubbish about you leaving the ship."

"You heard me right Cap'n." Kaylee whispered, taking Mal's hand in her own and giving it a squeeze. "I can't stay here anymore, I'm suffocating, I've tried to pretend like everything's just fine and dandy, but since we sent out the broadcast the whole damn 'verse has changed. Everything is colder now, especially space, and that's no place for someone like me. I'm a little candle; I'm meant to brighten up and already lit room. I never stood a chance against this big darkness. I need to go home. Back to that cheerful little world where I belong."

"You've made your mind?" Mal asked.

"I have." Kaylee replied. Mal nodded, and Kaylee quickly realized she was being dismissed and left the room.

* * *

River stretched out on the catwalk over the cargo bay. Her eyes were closed, but her mind was far from at rest. Her mind worked so strangely, sometimes time moved slowly and then it raced by. Sometimes time didn't move at all… sometimes reality didn't even exist, at least not in her mind. She lay appreciating her moment of peace, no brother to look at her with constant concern, no crew to watch her warily. They couldn't see her here, but she could see them all. She felt everything, saw everything… so much happened around her. They were like ants so busy with their own lives they couldn't even see that that they were being observed through a microscope, her microscope.

* * *

Zoe slowly leaned back onto the doctors' chair. Simon pulled over a tray of instruments as he sat beside her on a stool. He performed several routine tests on the silent woman. He had to monitor both the condition of her pregnancy and the injury to her back.

"You both appear to be in perfect health!" He informed her happily as he got to his feet.

"Good." Zoe replied, Simon saw the woman let out a sigh of relief. He couldn't help but want to reach out to the unbelievably strong woman. She had stood bravely through so much, but her courage was now wavering. She clung to this baby like it would slip away at any second.

"I don't think you have anything to worry about, the baby's strong." Simon reassured her. "Like her mother."

"No, like her father." Zoe whispered as she got to her feet.

"How do you do it?" Simon asked.

"Do what?" Zoe asked in return.

"Let go of the hurt, the loss." Simon expanded. Zoe smiled sadly.

"You don't…" She replied. "It never goes away, you carry it with you. The pain becomes a piece of you, a scar on your heart."

"Kaylee and I broke up." Simon whispered sadly. "I know it's not the same, but…"

"But it still hurts like hell." Zoe replied, understandingly.

"That it does." He agreed.

* * *

Miranda opened a can, unsure of what it contained. It was one of the many cans subject to River's label massacres. It appeared to be chili, she decided as she poured it into a bowl. She grabbed a spoon and carried it to the table. She ate slowly, chewing each bite thoroughly.

"Miranda?" A voice asked from behind her. She looked over her shoulder and saw Inara standing in the doorway. Miranda quickly swallowed her bite.

"Hello." She replied as the companion swiftly crossed the room and took a seat beside her.

"Hello." Inara said in return. Both sat in silence for a long moment. Inara took a deep breath and looked at the woman beside her. "May I be completely frank with you?"

"Of course." Miranda consented, turning her full attention to the other woman.

"I hate your guts… I truly loath you." Inara stated. "I honestly would like nothing more than to hand you over to the alliance myself."

Miranda stared at her, stunned.

"That was quite frank." Miranda replied coolly.

"Yes, and completely unfair." Inara amended. "My feelings in regards to you are not your fault. The problem is we are both undeniably in love with the same man. Understandable, of course, Malcolm Reynolds is truly one of a kind. It is difficult not to be drawn to a man who stands so strong against adversity. He is a man who makes you stop and reevaluate yourself."

"He is." Miranda agreed, seeing no reason to deny the obvious.

"I love him… far more than I should." Inara admitted. "But he does not love me… I don't know if he ever really did… I think he was always waiting for something else… you. I see the way he looks at you, and I can't deny it anymore. He's yours… he looks at you in a way I've never seen him look at anyone else. He loves you."

"And I him." Miranda whispered.

"I know." Inara replied. "And I love him enough to let him go."

* * *

**Please Review!**

**Midnightfarie**


	13. Chapter 13

**First, I want to say that I own nothing, just borrowing Joss Whedons toy's. I promise to put them back when I'm done!**

**Second, go look up Mal's Song by Michelle Dockrey, the lyrics are in this chapter. I don't own it either, but you should definitely listen to it!**

* * *

Kaylee stood before the cargo bay door as it slowly opened revealing the hustle and bustle of Persephone. Kaylee had always found herself overwhelmed on this planet. It had a big city feel that was so different from the homely little planet she had spent so much of her life on. She hoisted her pack up on her back and took a shaky breath. She looked over her shoulder to get one last look at the ship that she loved so much. A lump caught in her throat as she saw all of her dear friends lined up to wish her farewell. She blinked rapidly to fight back the sudden urge to cry. She took slow deliberate steps to the end of the line closest to her. Inara smiled at her making no effort to hold back her tears.

Kaylee through her arms around her dear friend and embraced her tightly.

"I'm not going to say goodbye." Inara insisted, wiping away her tears. "And don't you dare say it either."

"Alright," Kaylee said with a smile, "I guess I'll be seeing you around the 'verse then."

"It's a promise." Inara whispered, pulling Kaylee into another hug. Kaylee slipped away before she lost it completely, not wanting to cry in front of everyone… not wanting their last memory of her to be a sad one.

She moved on to Zoe and offered the intimidating woman her hand. Zoe pushed it aside wrapping the younger girl in an uncharacteristically emotional hug.

"Take care of yourself, hear me?" Zoe demanded, Kaylee nodded squeezing her tightly.

Next Simon pulled her into the awkward hug of and ex-lover. She kissed him lightly on the cheek and whispered in his ear.

"You'll always have a place in my heart, Simon Tam." She promised.

"Yeah, just not the one I had hoped for." Simon replied remorsefully. Kaylee squeezed his hand once more before moving on to his sister.

"I'm gonna miss you so much." Kaylee whispered sadly to the strange girl.

"I don't understand. If leaving makes you so sad, why won't you stay?" River questioned.

"Oh, sweetie… I can't stay… it's better this way… at least it will be." Kaylee tried to explain.

"Your logic is flawed." River insisted. Kaylee laughed.

"It usually is." Kaylee admitted "But that's how it goes isn't it. To be human is to be unavoidably screwed up."

Kaylee gave her little friend a final hug before stepping past her to the final person in line. Despite her efforts, the tears began to stream down her cheeks as she flung her arms around him. She couldn't bring herself to let him go.

"Ain't a power in the 'verse that can stop our Kaylee from being cheerful." Mal told her.

"Don't know about that, I think this could do the trick." Kaylee choked through her tears.

"Not for long, you're no candle. You're the signal. You can't stop the signal." Mal insisted.

Kaylee kissed him on the cheek and released him slowly.

"I love my captain." She told him.

"I'm not your captain anymore."

"I still love you."

"I love you too, Kaywinnit Lee Frye." Mal replied. "You're the best damn mechanic a guy could hope for… and the best friend I could hope for."

"Aw, captain don't get mushy, it doesn't suit you." Kaylee said, wiping away her tears. "Well I should be going…"

"You can still change your mind Kaylee…" Mal offered, "Cause once you step off this ship you won't be finding us again."

"I'll miss you too Captain." Kaylee said waving one last time at all of them before she turned around and walked away. Her chest aching more with each step…

Jayne hadn't come to say goodbye to her. She knew he wasn't one of the dramatic goodbyes, but something… anything…

She walked away from the life she'd known. She knew she had to leave, but she wanted nothing more than to stay. She didn't belong, not anymore. She moved her way through the crowd until she could no longer look back and see serenity, and then she sat down to have a good long cry.

* * *

Mal walked towards Miranda's quarters. He had left Zoe to make the deal with Badger, he had to get away from the rest of the crew. Too many tears and sad faces, Kaylee had left, it was her choice and in his way of thinking there was no reason to cry. It was a stupid waste of energy, the girl hadn't died, she just left. As he walked down the passageway, he heard a clear sweet voice begin to sing.

"When the stars shine bright through the engine's trail, and the dust of another world drops behind. When my ship is free of the open sky that's a damn good day to my way of mind. There's a barren planet you never can leave, there's a rocky valley where we lost a war. There's a cross once hung round a soldier's neck, there's a man's faith died on Serenity's floor. But I stood my ground and I'll fly once more, it's the last oath that I ever swore."

Mal quietly slid open Miranda door, she looked into his eyes and without skipping a beat she continued.

"So, take my love, take my land, take me where I cannot stand. I don't care, I'm still free, you can't take the sky from me. Take me out into the black, tell 'em I ain't comin' back. Burn the land and boil the sea, you can't take the sky from me, you can't take the sky from me.  
"When you see a man and he's standin' alone, well you might just take him for an easy mark. And there's many a man has tried his hand, and there's worse than wolves in the borderland dark. From the savage men to the government hounds, try to take what's yours and tear you through. Ah, but them that run with me's got my back, it's a fool don't know that his family's his crew."

Mal sat down on her bed, listening to her words. They touched him to his core. It was as though she were singing the story of his soul. A vice like grip tightened around his heart.

"Don't you tell me what I cannot do, don't you think I've got to run from you. So, take my love, take my land, take me where I cannot stand. I don't care, I'm still free, you can't take the sky from me. Take me out into the black, tell 'em I ain't comin' back. Burn the land and boil the sea, you can't take the sky from me, you can't take the sky from me.

"When you've walked my road and you've seen what I've seen, well you won't go talkin' 'bout righteous men. You'll know damn well why I want to keep to my sky, never cry 'neath nobody's heel again. I've seen torment raked 'cross innocent souls, seen sane men mad and good men die. I've been hounded, hated, married and tricked. I've been tortured, cheated, shot, and tied. You won't see no tears when I say goodbye, I've still got my family and my Firefly.

"So, take my love, take my land, take me where I cannot stand. I don't care, I'm still free, you can't take the sky from me. Take me out into the black, tell 'em I ain't comin' back. Burn the land and boil the sea, you can't take the sky from me, you can't take the sky from me."

Miranda's voice trailed off into silence, she sat beside him and wrapped him in her arms. He didn't realize he was crying until she gently kissed away his tears.

"That song… the words…" He tried to explain. Miranda lightly stroked his cheek. "It's like you knew… How did you know?"

Miranda looked into his eyes, and stroked his cheek.

"I see you Malcolm Reynolds, I see the good and the bad… I see what you're proud of, and what you're ashamed of. I see how each experience has defined you, and I love you all the more for it."

Mal kissed Miranda. It started light, not sure how it would be received, but as she reciprocated the simple kiss became more intense, more passionate. Mal's fingers gently pushed the material of her dress up her slender figure, breaking away from her kiss only to pull the dress over her head. Mal looked into her eyes, brushing a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

"You sure you wanna do this?" Mal asked, Miranda slowly unbuttoned Mal's shirt, gently pushing it off his shoulders and brushed her lips against his bare chest. Mal tipped her chin up so she was looking into his eyes, and he asked again, "Miranda, do you really want this?"

Miranda situated herself on his lap, wrapping her legs around his torso. Mal bit his lip, hard to keep himself under control. Miranda looked into his eyes and stroked his prickly jaw with her fingertips.

"I want you to make love to me." She whispered, Mal leaned forward and caught her lips in his own, needing no more permission.

* * *

**Sorry I take so long to update. I promise I haven't forgotten this story, unfortunately my writing always seems to end up on a backburner.**

**Please Review! My birthday is tomorrow and your encouragement is the best gift you can give me.**

**Midnightfarie**


End file.
